Polyamory: The practice of engaging in multiple sexual relationships with the consent of all the people involved.
There are posts in certain corners of the internet discussing the misconceptions of polyamory. Now, I haven't been poly for a very long time, but I've seen a few misconceptions pop up often enough in those posts and others discussing polyamory (in various lights) that I'd still like to give my two cents on them.
There are posts in certain corners of the internet discussing the misconceptions of polyamory. Now, I haven't been poly for a very long time, but I've seen a few misconceptions pop up often enough in those posts and others discussing polyamory (in various lights) that I'd still like to give my two cents on them.
Don't get me wrong, there are plenty of things people are generally incorrect on about the practice, but these three are the big ones.
Misconception 1: Polyamory is cheating
I'm genuinely unsure how this myth has such a strong following other than the idea that people can't be bothered to read an entire 16 word dictionary definition all the way to the end.
Yes, a poly person tends to be (but isn't always) involved in more than one relationship. However, cheating at its core means deception and breaking trusts. A cornerstone of the foundation of polyamory, if not the heart at the center of it, is the consent of all people involved.
A poly person can cheat, just as a monogamous person does, but polyamory is not cheating.
Misconception 2: Poly is all sex and fetishes
I have a two-part theory on where this one comes from.
I have a two-part theory on where this one comes from.
Part one: people in the fetish community are generally more receptive to all forms of consensual non-monogamy because a part of their lives involves "consensual [fill in the blank]" as well. The typical acceptance created an association in the vanilla world that probably isn't going to be undone any time soon.
Part two: people have relationships equated to sex and think by adding to the people, more sex must occur simply because there is potential. This kind of thinking not only invalidates asexual people, it dehumanizes relationships into nothing more than primitive urges rather than commitments based on mutual love and respect.
Misconception 3: Poly is for people who can't commit
There are some people who go to consensual non-monogamy and polyamory so they don't feel tied down to any one person and I honestly think that's okay as long as it is, in fact, consensual.
But many polyamorous people stay in relationships just as long as monogamous people.
Other poly relationships fall apart, just like mono ones.
The only difference between the two is that in a poly relationship it is spoken that the partners do indeed have the capacity to romantically love more than one person and they're willing to put in the time and effort for more than one person.
Ability and willingness to put in time and effort for more than one SO kind of sounds like the opposite of a commitment phobia to me.
~Liss
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