Skip to main content

Three Myths of Polyamory

Polyamory: The practice of engaging in multiple sexual relationships with the consent of all the people involved. 

There are posts in certain corners of the internet discussing the misconceptions of polyamory. Now, I haven't been poly for a very long time, but I've seen a few misconceptions pop up often enough in those posts and others discussing polyamory (in various lights) that I'd still like to give my two cents on them. 
Don't get me wrong, there are plenty of things people are generally incorrect on about the practice, but these three are the big ones.

Misconception 1: Polyamory is cheating
I'm genuinely unsure how this myth has such a strong following other than the idea that people can't be bothered to read an entire 16 word dictionary definition all the way to the end. 
Yes, a poly person tends to be (but isn't always) involved in more than one relationship. However, cheating at its core means deception and breaking trusts. A cornerstone of the foundation of polyamory, if not the heart at the center of it, is the consent of all people involved. 
A poly person can cheat, just as a monogamous person does, but polyamory is not cheating.

Misconception 2: Poly is all sex and fetishes
I have a two-part theory on where this one comes from.
Part one: people in the fetish community are generally more receptive to all forms of consensual non-monogamy because a part of their lives involves "consensual [fill in the blank]" as well. The typical acceptance created an association in the vanilla world that probably isn't going to be undone any time soon.
Part two: people have relationships equated to sex and think by adding to the people, more sex must occur simply because there is potential. This kind of thinking not only invalidates asexual people, it dehumanizes relationships into nothing more than primitive urges rather than commitments based on mutual love and respect.

Misconception 3: Poly is for people who can't commit
There are some people who go to consensual non-monogamy and polyamory so they don't feel tied down to any one person and I honestly think that's okay as long as it is, in fact, consensual. 
But many polyamorous people stay in relationships just as long as monogamous people.
Other poly relationships fall apart, just like mono ones.
The only difference between the two is that in a poly relationship it is spoken that the partners do indeed have the capacity to romantically love more than one person and they're willing to put in the time and effort for more than one person.
Ability and willingness to put in time and effort for more than one SO kind of sounds like the opposite of a commitment phobia to me.

~Liss

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

The Gender Unicorn Series: What is Gender Expression

Welcome to part two of the Gender Unicorn series! To recap, this is the Gender Unicorn: www.transstudent.org /gender The Gender Unicorn helps explain the differences between gender identity, gender expression, sex, physical attraction, and romantic attraction and the scales upon which those things exist. I'm here to clear up some of the terminology. Today's phrase of the day is "gender expression." This one isn't really complicated. Gender expression is the way a person conveys their gender identity to the world through their appearance and behavior. The three arrows represent the scales of femininity, masculinity, or otherness a person may exist on when expressing their gender identity. They could be at the beginning of the arrow, representing little or no expression of those traditional, socially defined traits. They could be in the middle, representing some or moderate expression. Or they could go to the far right, representing a great deal...

What's Your Oxygen?

Something about creating something new or making an old thing better helps me  breathe . When I get into a zone with writing where the words just fall out of me, instead of having to jerk them out letter by letter, I can feel my spirit loosen up and my brain buzz with happy energy. I get the same sensation a few other ways. Coming up with plans of action to get out of a rut Researching business ideas Building websites Editing   Creating and polishing appear to be what I'm wired to enjoy. I like  other things and might be content doing them for a while...  But whenever I return to my things  it's like I've surfaced after being underwater for a long time.   Swimming is fun.  But air is needed to survive.   ~Liss

My Office

My dream office would be a bright white room with a single pink wall. Or whatever color happened to be my favorite when I painted it. There'd be a couch, lots of light, an end table with a printer, and the colored wall would be covered with white boards and cork boards and probably a bunch of different colored Post-It notes with random ideas and character designs. Link to image here I'd eschew the traditional desk and roll-y chair, and use a lap-desk on my couch. The soundtrack to Saints Row: The Third would be playing in the background. (It helps me concentrate more than any other soundtrack I've tried, couldn't tell you why.)   For now, I take my lap-desk and laptop and plonk myself down anywhere with an outlet that I can hear myself think without being deafened by absolute silence. And if I never get a whole room, I'll totally be okay simply having one of those rolling whiteboards as a miniaturized Wall of Madness somewhere near a sufficiently comfy...